OK...where was I? Oh yes, it was a warm summer evening and the end to another day at the cart. I opened up my squeaky back door and hopped down to sweep and throw out the trash.
Little did I know there would be a man standing beside my cart looking at me as he's pissing on it. Not pissing on the ground, nor in between the 100 plus cars on the lot...nope today my pristine white cart caught this mans fancy. He, like so many others was an endearing addition to the everyday hustle and grind of cart life.
"Dude...you're pissing on my cart!" I shouted at the man.
An indignant stare shot back at me as he turned to hide his junk from my view. So courteous I thought to myself...
"I'm peeing!" Dude insinuating that I'm violating his "personal comfort space."
"No shit Sherlock....you are peeing on MY FUCKING CART." I spat back at him.
I proceeded to tell him to shake a tail and get lost. No response, just the gentle stream of warm, acrid urine baptising the side of my cart, then dripping down and running towards and settling in a pothole an inch from my New Balance sneaks. Great...my very own On Golden Pond. I should toss some goldfish in there while I'm at it. What a fucker.
"Dude! Get out of here!" I screamed at him, tightly holding my broom ready to whap at the tiny peener that was causing such a mess.
A lot of F you's were swatted back and forth like a healthy game of tennis. 40 Love.
Dudes shakes IT off and tucks it back into the dark den of nasty, zips up and scolds me for invading his privacy.
I watched him proudly saunter off as he had made his mark on my little island. His very own personal hydrant. I'm sure he will be back...with more love to share.
What nerve!
The next day when I pulled up to my little, white cube of sugar goodness there was...you guessed it a little present waiting for me. Oh to be so lucky. Not flowers or chocolate's just a fat, swampy turd baking in the morning sun.
Good thing I had Portland Clean and Safe Crew on speed dial.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment